Today's Date

February 8, 2010

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96rock Jocks

Demetri “The Greek” Ravanos


Forged in the fires of Hell, Demetri the Greek was designed to be the next ruler of the Underworld. Something went horribly wrong though. He discovered a little film called Bambi and his heart was lightened forever.

Realizing that his new creation would now rather tickle people’s feet than steel their souls, Satan unleashed Demetri on Alabama, where he grew up cleverly disguised as the son of kindly immigrant sharecroppers. Klorr, the male of the couple, knew the boy had great power, but was not sure what that power was. He would enter Demetri in feats of strength contests only to wind up disappointed and out both the entry fee and whatever bets he might have made.

Sardel, the woman Demetri came to know as his mother, believed the boy would bring her and her husband great riches through the use of his imagination. She would often give him word association tasks. Once she said "Green" and Demetri responded with "Mutha*****." She realized not only was he dumber than a rock, but foul-mouthed as well, and such language was not allowed in her home.

Demetri was cast out on to the streets and somehow managed to end up enrolled at the University of Alabama. Although his official transcript lists his major as "Film," Demetri will tell you the only things he studied were "telekinesis and the ladies," neither of which brought him any success. Demetri insists he once bent a spoon with his mind, but his roommate Terry saw him use his right hand.

After college Demetri tricked a beautiful, smart doctor into becoming his bride. Upon hearing this news Satan believed that Demetri’s more treacherous side had been awakened and appeared on Earth to bring Demetri back to rule Hell. When Satan arrived however he learned that Demetri’s career path had swerved down radio road.

Realizing that his goals were too small and that he would never strike any significant fear into the hearts of man by playing Sly Fox’s "Let’s Go All the Way," Demetri declined the Dark Lord’s invitation and moved to North Carolina to as he says "follow my wife’s sweet ass and promising cash flow!"


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